As the year is finally coming to a close,
I have had time to sit and think about what this year has brought.
The start of 2017 started with the end of IVF and a pregnancy that was graciously welcomed.
By just the second month in the year was the shoe that dropped that.
Losing our son was one of the most heartbreaking events that has ever happened within my life.
Just a few short months later we started the IVF process again.
Got pregnant again with our little girl.
Everything was going great and then another shoe dropped.
Bleeding at just 9 weeks.
Everything turned out to be just fine, but didn't help my heart or nerves any.
The following weeks there was a death in the family.
This put everyone on edge in hoping that the rest of the year would somehow get better.
Now here I sit in December with the snow falling and the temperature chilling.
Today at 27 weeks, just one week shy of the third trimester.
Our daughter is moving more and more each day.
My growing midsection has people asking when I'm due and the wonderful gravitational pull to ones hand as they ask.
I don't mind this other than the fact I have no up or down to who these people are.
People no longer notice my eyes, smile, or above average size ears that I have; only the belly.
I have waited more than seven years for this to happen and couldn't be happier that it has.
This pregnancy hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't change that for anything.
The worry that I carried and still carry with me haunts me everyday.
Even when I feel her moving, I wonder if her movements are the right kind.
How do I know if everything is going the right way or not?
Am I doing everything possible to help her grow?
Being not able to eat meat some days has me worried.
The days that I do eat meat make me worried that something is wrong.
There are many times that I just sit in a semi-dark home and watch her bounce around.
Half of the photos that I have now on my photo are of me growing and comparing each week.
Some weeks are better than others and look bigger, then there are days where I look smaller and worry.
Worry has been at the top of my list for the last 27 weeks and will most likely be there for weeks to come.
Most of the days are good days and can't believe that I have what I have.
Other days there are struggles associated with pregnancy that I never knew.
I feel grateful for the back pain, the restless legs syndrome, and heartburn.
I know that these are all good things that come with pregnancy and could not be avoided.
Since doing IVF, which has its own challenges, I hope that our daughter knows how much she is really wanted, loved, and how much my heart needed her.
Coming up on the date that I found out that I was pregnant with her brother is difficult.
Full of mixed emotions.
Feelings of anxiousness and from that time to the time that his sister is here will drag on.
The day that I found out that I was pregnant with Dell was Christmas Eve.
Our little gift from God.
Quickly changed by Him needing him back too soon for my heart.
Every day I pray that things continue to go well for his sister.
We never know what could happen and we understand how quick things can change.
Dell taught me what the meaning of mom is.
Christmas this year will be much different without him here knowing that he should be looking at light, family holding him, and the joy of a little one here.
Now that I am expecting and will be pregnant during the time that I lost him makes my heart quiver.
There are many people that have asked, how do you feel?
I feel great, I feel worried, I feel tired, and I feel wonderfully excited.
I don't know if I will be the best mom in the world, I am sure that I will get the
"I hate you"
which is fine by me, while I know that will hurt, it will let me know that I am doing my job.
I can't wait to see my husband hold her and watch the love grow between them.
There are times that I know we will have moments of what are we doing.
That comes with being a parent.
Right now I am just enjoying that fact that I am pregnant after such long journey.
There are few things in this world that I feel that I need.
I need my husband, my family, friends, and then my daughter now.
My heart will always miss Dell, but I know that he is looking after us and making sure that his sister is growing and will be in my arms in the next 13 weeks.
For my final thoughts, love one another, be kind, and cherish every moment.
You never know when that time will be cut short.
Say I love you often, give hugs and kisses, and make sure you always call your family.
I will update this blog from now on each Friday!
Other days there are struggles associated with pregnancy that I never knew.
I feel grateful for the back pain, the restless legs syndrome, and heartburn.
I know that these are all good things that come with pregnancy and could not be avoided.
Since doing IVF, which has its own challenges, I hope that our daughter knows how much she is really wanted, loved, and how much my heart needed her.
Coming up on the date that I found out that I was pregnant with her brother is difficult.
Full of mixed emotions.
Feelings of anxiousness and from that time to the time that his sister is here will drag on.
The day that I found out that I was pregnant with Dell was Christmas Eve.
Our little gift from God.
Quickly changed by Him needing him back too soon for my heart.
Every day I pray that things continue to go well for his sister.
We never know what could happen and we understand how quick things can change.
Dell taught me what the meaning of mom is.
Christmas this year will be much different without him here knowing that he should be looking at light, family holding him, and the joy of a little one here.
Now that I am expecting and will be pregnant during the time that I lost him makes my heart quiver.
There are many people that have asked, how do you feel?
I feel great, I feel worried, I feel tired, and I feel wonderfully excited.
I don't know if I will be the best mom in the world, I am sure that I will get the
"I hate you"
which is fine by me, while I know that will hurt, it will let me know that I am doing my job.
I can't wait to see my husband hold her and watch the love grow between them.
There are times that I know we will have moments of what are we doing.
That comes with being a parent.
Right now I am just enjoying that fact that I am pregnant after such long journey.
There are few things in this world that I feel that I need.
I need my husband, my family, friends, and then my daughter now.
My heart will always miss Dell, but I know that he is looking after us and making sure that his sister is growing and will be in my arms in the next 13 weeks.
For my final thoughts, love one another, be kind, and cherish every moment.
You never know when that time will be cut short.
Say I love you often, give hugs and kisses, and make sure you always call your family.
I will update this blog from now on each Friday!
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