On my way to work
this morning I decided to listen to a Christian station just to see what they
were talking about.
It just so happened
to be talking about IVF.
A process that I have
done now two different times, one of which just happened this week.
Father John started off saying how terrible this process is and how it ends in stillbirth
and abnormal children that have issues.
That IVF should be
avoided at all costs and that the process should be avoided completely.
He talked for almost
an hour about how terrible of people we are when we choose this path.
However, you would
think that this would make me mad, but it didn’t.
Everyone has their
own thoughts on the process.
IF it should be done
or shouldn’t is always a hot topic.
What made me mad, or
rather hurt my heart; was what he had to say next.
It could be the hormones talking since I just
shot up with three shots a day for the last two weeks.
Or it could be that I
have two little embryos that are hanging out in my uterus that I’m really
protective over right now.
He said the
following:
“IVF is a surgical
procedure that gets lots of eggs to be fertilized in a dish. Then the “parents” choose what looks best and
then aborts the others.”
“They just harvest
all of these eggs and then the man does the most unthinkable sin and then put
all of the eggs and sperm in a dish and go for it.”
“If they do ICSI then
they could possibly not pick one of the best sperm.”
The first part of his
statement sure that part is true, I produced nine follicles, but only 4 mature
eggs, three of which fertilized.
The second part of
his statement says that we abort our non-chosen embryo.
NO. JUST NO.
Transferring back
three embryos could be a dangerous thing.
I chose two of mine
that I thought had the best chance, leaving one to still DEVELOP in the office.
That one embryo had a
better cell count that one of the embryos I transferred back, so no I didn’t “abort”
my other possible child.
Most of the time all
don’t survive to day five and further.
That is not OUR
choice.
The process is not
just “throw them in a dish.”
After than guy does
his thing, they wash the sperm to ensure that those that wouldn’t make it in the
natural environment aren’t chosen.
Stillbirth and
miscarriage can happen to literally anyone regardless of IVF, IUI, meds taken,
or not.
I have seen those
that get pregnant first time trying naturally, I have seen those get pregnant
after “just one more try” of IVF.
This process of infertility
isn’t a pick and choose deal.
It’s not a let’s make
a deal show.
There isn’t a million
dollars in a case.
It is a possibility of
producing a child that you can raise.
A child that is a
part of both you and your significant other.
A child that is from
you regardless of path that you have chosen.
I spent thousands of
dollars, took hundreds of shots, dozens of pills, and suffered heartache for
seven years to get where I am.
Just because I chose
IVF as my path to have children, my son, and my hopeful babies right now.
Doesn’t make me love
them any less.
Yes, I do think about
the embryos I lost, as I am sure others in this path do too.
My son who I lost
will always be my son and I his mother regardless of how he was made.
They are still my husband
and I together.
Many people don’t
understand the process until they are a part of it.
The “group” that no
one wants to be a part of.
The 1 in 8 women who
WANT to be parents, but can’t be.
There is a month dedicated
to these women, these mothers in waiting, the infertile.
That is as of 2000
something 38.5million women that could be infertile.
The priest went on to
say one of my favorite lines I hear during this process.
“You can just adopt.”
Along the same lines
he decided to say that these babies need saving since those doing IVF would
just abort theirs if given the chance.
I have no problem
with adoption.
My husband have
talked about this a lot over the past few years.
A lot of people I
know adopt and the children act like them hands down.
I love they are given
the chance at adoption.
Currently IVF for us
is covered mostly by insurance due to my health and adoption isn’t covered by
insurance.
We can’t afford the
amount of money that can go into adoption, but can afford IVF.
This man also said
that the babies conceived by these treatments aren’t out of love, but out of want.
Please, get over
yourself man.
I know plenty of babies
that have been conceived with no love attached by the old fashioned way.
Some of which that
are married that just did it to get the baby with no emotions involved.
Some that have been
raped, yeah I’m sure there was love there.
Come on love has
nothing to do with getting pregnant.
If that was the case
then this would have happened to almost all of us doing these procedures.
Before going through
this process I had a talk with my aunt who is a pastor.
Asking her is this a
sin, are we messing with God’s way, are we doing the wrong thing?
She simply replied
back that she has done many baptisms for those that are IVF babies and they act
just the same as any other child.
I work in a church
and have had conversations with a lot of people there that have been in my
shoes.
These people want
everyone to have a baby no matter what.
I am sure there are
people that you talk to on a daily basis that you don’t know got pregnant by a
treatment.
I am sure that this
man has been around children that he didn’t even know were IVF babies.
My heart hurts today
for the embryos that I am carrying.
My heart hurts for
the ones that I have lost.
I wanted them more
than anything in the world.
My heart hurts for my
son that I lost.
If want could bring
my son back, he would be here with me.
If want could bring
all of my embryos back, I would have 8 here with me.
I would be content
with 8 “children.”
IVF or IUI it doesn’t
matter, our babies are wanted and out of LOVE.
His statements will
stay with me for a long time.
These hurtful words
and thoughts.
How is he to judge
others and what they do?
Our children are
loved no matter if they made it to just embryos, were miscarried, or born
sleeping.
These are our
children.
