Judgement

On my way to work this morning I decided to listen to a Christian station just to see what they were talking about.

It just so happened to be talking about IVF.

A process that I have done now two different times, one of which just happened this week.

Father John started off saying how terrible this process is and how it ends in stillbirth and abnormal children that have issues.

That IVF should be avoided at all costs and that the process should be avoided completely.

He talked for almost an hour about how terrible of people we are when we choose this path.

However, you would think that this would make me mad, but it didn’t.

Everyone has their own thoughts on the process.

IF it should be done or shouldn’t is always a hot topic.

What made me mad, or rather hurt my heart; was what he had to say next.

 It could be the hormones talking since I just shot up with three shots a day for the last two weeks.

Or it could be that I have two little embryos that are hanging out in my uterus that I’m really protective over right now.

He said the following:

“IVF is a surgical procedure that gets lots of eggs to be fertilized in a dish.  Then the “parents” choose what looks best and then aborts the others.”

“They just harvest all of these eggs and then the man does the most unthinkable sin and then put all of the eggs and sperm in a dish and go for it.”

“If they do ICSI then they could possibly not pick one of the best sperm.”

The first part of his statement sure that part is true, I produced nine follicles, but only 4 mature eggs, three of which fertilized.

The second part of his statement says that we abort our non-chosen embryo.

NO.  JUST NO.

Transferring back three embryos could be a dangerous thing.

I chose two of mine that I thought had the best chance, leaving one to still DEVELOP in the office.

That one embryo had a better cell count that one of the embryos I transferred back, so no I didn’t “abort” my other possible child.

Most of the time all don’t survive to day five and further.

That is not OUR choice.

The process is not just “throw them in a dish.”

After than guy does his thing, they wash the sperm to ensure that those that wouldn’t make it in the natural environment aren’t chosen.

Stillbirth and miscarriage can happen to literally anyone regardless of IVF, IUI, meds taken, or not.

I have seen those that get pregnant first time trying naturally, I have seen those get pregnant after “just one more try” of IVF.

This process of infertility isn’t a pick and choose deal.

It’s not a let’s make a deal show.

There isn’t a million dollars in a case.

It is a possibility of producing a child that you can raise.

A child that is a part of both you and your significant other.

A child that is from you regardless of path that you have chosen.

I spent thousands of dollars, took hundreds of shots, dozens of pills, and suffered heartache for seven years to get where I am.

Just because I chose IVF as my path to have children, my son, and my hopeful babies right now.

Doesn’t make me love them any less.

Yes, I do think about the embryos I lost, as I am sure others in this path do too.

My son who I lost will always be my son and I his mother regardless of how he was made.

They are still my husband and I together.

Many people don’t understand the process until they are a part of it.

The “group” that no one wants to be a part of.

The 1 in 8 women who WANT to be parents, but can’t be.

There is a month dedicated to these women, these mothers in waiting, the infertile.

That is as of 2000 something 38.5million women that could be infertile.

The priest went on to say one of my favorite lines I hear during this process.

“You can just adopt.”

Along the same lines he decided to say that these babies need saving since those doing IVF would just abort theirs if given the chance.

I have no problem with adoption.

My husband have talked about this a lot over the past few years.

A lot of people I know adopt and the children act like them hands down.

I love they are given the chance at adoption.

Currently IVF for us is covered mostly by insurance due to my health and adoption isn’t covered by insurance.

We can’t afford the amount of money that can go into adoption, but can afford IVF.

This man also said that the babies conceived by these treatments aren’t out of love, but out of want.

Please, get over yourself man.

I know plenty of babies that have been conceived with no love attached by the old fashioned way.

Some of which that are married that just did it to get the baby with no emotions involved.

Some that have been raped, yeah I’m sure there was love there.

Come on love has nothing to do with getting pregnant.

If that was the case then this would have happened to almost all of us doing these procedures.

Before going through this process I had a talk with my aunt who is a pastor.

Asking her is this a sin, are we messing with God’s way, are we doing the wrong thing?

She simply replied back that she has done many baptisms for those that are IVF babies and they act just the same as any other child.

I work in a church and have had conversations with a lot of people there that have been in my shoes.

These people want everyone to have a baby no matter what.

I am sure there are people that you talk to on a daily basis that you don’t know got pregnant by a treatment.

I am sure that this man has been around children that he didn’t even know were IVF babies.

My heart hurts today for the embryos that I am carrying.

My heart hurts for the ones that I have lost.

I wanted them more than anything in the world.

My heart hurts for my son that I lost.

If want could bring my son back, he would be here with me.

If want could bring all of my embryos back, I would have 8 here with me.

I would be content with 8 “children.”

IVF or IUI it doesn’t matter, our babies are wanted and out of LOVE.

His statements will stay with me for a long time.

These hurtful words and thoughts.

How is he to judge others and what they do?

Our children are loved no matter if they made it to just embryos, were miscarried, or born sleeping.

These are our children.